Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Randomize
