I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
