Yo dont text me then not text me
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
