I think I died a long time ago.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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