Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
