I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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