Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
