were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
