Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
