Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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