I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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