I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
