you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
