New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
