i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
