Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
