I only kidnapped one of them. chill
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
