Jerry, you need to find god
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
