I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
