i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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