So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
