Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
