I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
porn star boner night. come get it.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
