cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
