Already got asked if we're dating
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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