I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You are a genius and a whore.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
