I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
