forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I came so hard my ears popped.
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