he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
