my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
