When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize