Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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