just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
