11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
