I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
