i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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