Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
