I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
