i just wanna soil my oats bro
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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