I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
