I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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