and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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