like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
