He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
