Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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