it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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