Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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