Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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