My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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