There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
