Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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