That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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