she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
