I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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