I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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