Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
