i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
