I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
