return my video game
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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