this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Everclear isn't food dammit
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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