Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
