how hairy? two words: wookie tits
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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