You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
