Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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