It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
