Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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