the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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