my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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