I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
