'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
