The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Alive.
So much puke
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
