that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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